It can happen to any couple. The love is there, but it’s all become a little too routine. A little too repetitive. A little too, sigh, boring. Cheer up! There are ways to pump it back up and dump that slump!
The Flip Side
It’s rare that both members of a couple love doing exactly the same things. In fact, there’s probably something your other half likes to do, some hobby or activity that you’ve shown no interest in and vice versa. Even if you don’t love each other’s pastimes, the effort alone will rekindle some appreciation for one another. So maybe it’s time to plan and do a little research and spend some energy appreciating and understanding what your partner enjoys.
This one is easy. Look up your town on TripAdvisor and bring up the list of activities/attractions. Whichever is the first one neither of you have done before is the winner. Plan to do it as soon as possible, and both of you write an honest review when you’re done. Read each other’s review and comment on it. Sharing new experiences together brings back some of those moments from early in the relationship.
The Getaway Weekend
There’s a reason this suggestion is in every “How to Get Out of a Slump” article ever written. It works. You’ve got to commit though. Leave your smartphone alone, except when you’re taking selfies together. It almost doesn’t matter where you go. Maybe it’s just a hotel the next town over with a great pool and a nice restaurant nearby. It’s just about enjoying a different environment together.
Swap and Read
You each pick something you love for the other person to read. Might be a book, or a blog or a magazine, it doesn’t matter what it is. What matters is that you love it, and they read it. Then you talk about it, but make sure you mostly listen at first, and vice versa when you read their favorite. First get their impression, then show them the same material through your eyes. Talk about why you love it. You’ll end up learning a lot about each other, even when you don’t think that’s possible to do anymore.
Ideally, this is done with friends over too. Play shorter games so that you can play them multiple times. Switch up teams regularly. Make sure sometimes you’re on your partner’s team and sometimes you’re not. When the night is over, talk about what you liked about your partner as a teammate. Also talk about what you respected when they were an opponent. Only positive stuff. Remember some of the reasons you liked each other in the first place.
Set A Goal Together
Any goal that takes a bit of effort but isn’t onerous for your lifestyle. Run together twice a week. Cook together once a week for a month using recipes you’ve never made before. Just don’t make it a chore. Nothing like paint the kitchen together. It has to be something that you can do together that you weren’t going to do anyway or that you wouldn’t hire someone else to do. Celebrate successes and laugh at failures. It’s not really about the goal, it’s about sharing effort together.
Work these ideas into your routine, and soon enough, it won’t be routine anymore. Congratulations, you’re out of your slump! For more ideas and a little celebration, book a session with me and we can take this further.
Ginny Lindsay is a Sydney based relationship counsellor and psychotherapist who supports individuals and couples moving from pregnancy into parenthood. With 40% of divorces happening during pregnancy or in the first 3 years of a child’s life, Ginny established From 2 to 3 to offer support early before a relationship breaks down.