Pre Birth / Pregnancy Counselling

Doubt about parenting

You were over the moon when you found out you were pregnant, but now you’re unsure about what comes next. There’s so much that you don’t know about being a parent, and doubt lingers around every thought about the future. 

You need to build your confidence, yet you’re not even sure how to do that. If left unaddressed, this doubt and fear may impact on the baby, not to mention your relationship. Let’s talk before it breaks.

Unexpected or unplanned pregnancy

Life was going along just fine, but now you’ve found out that you’re going to have a baby! No longer will life be about just you and your partner; it’s possible one or both of you aren’t as confident in the relationship anymore. 

This unplanned pregnancy may be badly timed or maybe even unwanted: and as a result you may find yourself experiencing feelings of anxiety and depression. If you’re the mother-to-be, you may feel unprepared for your new role, anxious about the birth to come, and worried about your focus changing to growing a baby. 

If you’re the father-to-be, you may be watching everything your partner is going through, and may have trouble connecting and understanding this intimate experience. You may also be troubled because the pregnancy is not part of your initial relationship plan. Let’s talk before it breaks.

Anxiety or fear

Pregnancy stirs up a mixture of concerns and emotions for both parents. It can also reignite symptoms of anxiety and stress for either of you. You may be overwhelmed by worry and fear about this transition, yet not feel comfortable talking about it to your partner. 

You may feel as if you can’t voice your true feelings, thoughts and fears because you don’t want to rock the boat or make a difficult situation even worse.

However, whether you are nine weeks or twenty-eight weeks pregnant, it’s vital for your relationship that you can talk about what’s going on. Let’s talk before it breaks.

Going it alone

If you’re the mother-to-be, you may feel like you’re growing the baby and preparing for this seismic change all by yourself – perhaps the father-to-be is away working for extended periods of time, He is focused on his work and his world, and calls in to talk occasionally, but the intimacy and emotional connection you shared is decreasing. It feels as if the two of you are living in very different worlds, which seem to be moving further apart week by week, and you are concerned. 

On the flip side, as the father-to-be, you are working hard to make sure that you’ll be able to take care of your new family financially. You are doing what has to be done, yet your partner needs your emotional and physical support, which you can’t always give to her. She may be showing signs of depression or anxiety and you are concerned. 

Sometimes, too, there is the sad possibility that the father may have left before the birth due to various reasons – if this is the case, please click here and read the section ‘Partner left before birth’. Let’s talk before it breaks.

Not financially stable

Money may be tight and you are concerned that you don’t have enough funds to buy what you want and need for the new baby. Having a baby is expensive and there seems to be an endless list of things you need to buy. In addition, one of you (typically the mother) is facing a reduction in working hours. 

Managing cash flow at this time can be tricky, which can cause anxiety and stress in the relationship. If you’re the father-to-be, you may also be feeling stressed by the responsibility of being the sole income earner. Let’s talk before it breaks.

Abusive partner

A significant and dramatic change in your relationship like becoming pregnant can bring up unresolved issues and create unexpected behaviour. Sometimes the behaviour isn’t permanent, and issues need to be discussed. 

Other times the behaviour is permanent and the pregnancy has brought it to the surface. This needs to be addressed now! Let’s talk before it breaks.

Hormones

If you’re the mother-to-be, some days you’re up, some days you’re down, and other days you just want to flatten everything and everyone in your path! You feel out of control, not your usual self, and everyone appears to be walking on eggshells around you. If you’re the father-to-be, you are living with a woman who seems emotionally unstable, confusing in all her communications and difficult to read.

For most couples this trying time is temporary, but sometimes the influence of hormones can lead to things being said and done between you that may form an environment of mistrust and poor communication – which you certainly don’t need once the baby comes. Let’s talk before it breaks.

Emotional upset

The realities of being pregnant and having a baby has sent one or both of you into an emotional tailspin that you just can’t seem to get out of. It’s affecting your wellbeing, your relationship and your whole life. Let’s talk before it breaks.

Lack of experience or knowledge of babies and children

This is a common concern in the modern world. In generations gone by, women were surrounded by babies, toddlers and other women who were experienced in caring for and managing children. 

These days, however, it’s quite normal for women and men to live in a childless world until they become pregnant. This is not necessarily helpful for soon-to-be parents. Discussing your concerns is vital to strengthen your relationship. Let’s talk before it breaks.

Still studying / working

Your work or study is important to you, and a baby will interrupt that. How do you handle and manage this? The choice of whether to stay home, go back to work or juggle both is one you can’t make fully until you have had the baby. 

Choosing which path to take can be difficult and confronting: in one way you don’t want your world to change, yet at the same time you want to have this baby and become a parent. Let’s talk before it breaks.

Unsure about partner’s reaction and ability to cope

Your partner may have said they want a baby, but their behaviour is saying that they’re not so sure now, not coping with the reality and feeling anxious. Their communication is inconsistent, and their moods and behaviour are unpredictable – putting a strain on your relationship. 

You may be starting to ask the questions “What does depression look like?” and “Is my partner suffering from it?”. You’re worried – you need both your concerns to be out in the open as soon as possible in a safe, supportive way. Let’s talk before it breaks.

Overwhelmed

Everything is getting to you and you’re finding it hard to make decisions about even the smallest of things. There is so much to do, plan and organise about something so new and unknown. As a result, you’re either living in a world where you want everything to be perfect, or you’re at the other end of the spectrum where you are stuck in an ov overwhelmed and unproductive state. 

You need a realistic strategy to help you move through this and work with your partner towards the upcoming challenge of having a baby. Let’s talk before it breaks.

Concerns about health management

Pregnancy is taking its toll on your health and everyone is worried, especially you. For most women, pregnancy is no picnic. Most women have some health challenges during pregnancy and this is normal. Many women have to change their lifestyle: slow down, rest, and disconnect from their job and/or technology to allow their body and brain to get ready for the massive job of growing a baby. 

Whether you’re a mother-to-be or father-to-be, if you’ve been consumed by work and used to running your life at a hectic pace, nature is now calling on you to get ready for a huge change in pace and routine. You need emotional and mental support for that adjustment. Let’s talk before it breaks.

Medical fear

You don’t like hospitals, doctors or medical intervention, but having a baby seems to be all about dealing with the medical world. How do you have the pregnancy you want without all the upset of intervention, medical rules, regulations and expectations? Worrying about it is causing you stress, anxiety and frustration. This fear could be one you’ve taken on from a family member, from stories of your own birth and/or stories of other people’s birth experiences; or it could have been triggered by something else entirely. 

You need to get to the root of this fear and overcome it so you can get on with the business of bringing your baby into the world, wherever and however that needs to happen. Babies decide to be born in the most interesting ways and places. You’re not in control of that, so it’s a good idea to talk about all your fears and concerns in case the birth doesn’t go the way you plan. Let’s talk before it breaks.

Guilt

You feel guilty about being pregnant, about the choices you’re making, the choices you’re not making, about the reactions of others, your own beliefs, family involvement or lack of involvement … the list goes on. 

We can feel guilty about what we are or are not doing due to being conflicted in our beliefs about what is right or wrong, moral or immoral. If you are experiencing feelings of guilt around being pregnant, these need to be addressed as soon as possible. Guilt feeds on itself and it gives you no relief if you indulge in it. 

However, as soon as you say what you are feeling guilty about, you can shift it so that it does not have power anymore. If you or your partner are drowning in guilt, you need to talk about it before it destroys future hopes, excitement and possibilities. Let’s talk before it breaks.

Negativity

You may feel negativity from yourself or your partner, your family, the medical profession, magazines, friends, work colleagues, or even neighbours! Even complete strangers sometimes come up and give us their opinions about our life, pregnancy and/or baby! No matter who is expressing negativity, you need to set boundaries regarding what is okay and limit the contact you have with people who are likely to be critical or opinionated. 

It’s important to establish strategies to manage negativity now and into the future. Discussing it as soon as possible clears the air and lets you and your partner support each other during this delicate time. Let’s talk before it breaks.

Dealing with relatives

This may be the first grandchild in your family, and your parents or your partner’s parents want to be involved – maybe too much. Or perhaps your culture expects you to do and be certain things that you are not happy about. Siblings may be jealous or over-controlling, telling you what to do based on their own experiences. Some relatives claim a role, have their own expectations or even unexpectedly land on your doorstep to ‘help’. 

Communication needs to be thought through. Understanding relatives’ perspectives and expectations, and working out how to communicate certain needs and requirements, will be most successful when both parents-to-be are clear about how they are going to deal with each other’s families. A clear plan can unite the two of you so you both feel supported in this new and exciting time. Let’s talk before it breaks.