A lot of things can go wrong in a happy marriage or relationship. While some couples struggle to establish good communication, the others feel like they don’t know each other anymore. It is not uncommon that people who have spent years together suddenly start to feel like they are strangers.
In those situations, many of them decide to visit couples and marriage therapists and try to get back on track and feel close again. Although this type of therapy is very successful for most couples, some simply don’t feel like it works. Here are some signs that are showing that the couples counselling you and your partner are attending is not helping you.
Your partner Thinks the Couples Therapy Is for Losers
So, you have managed to persuade your partner to go and attend couples therapy for you, but deep inside he/she believes that is a crazy idea. The counselling can help only if both partners put a lot of effort and want to make things better. The therapist will be there to help you improve your relationship and overcome the problems, but he or she cannot do that without you. If both of you are not ready to participate in the therapy it will definitely not work for you.
You Two Have Different Goals
Before the therapy starts, you and your partner should define your goals, and the counselling should actually help you achieve them. In most cases, couples create goals together with a therapist, and it is important to have the same or similar aims, otherwise, the counselling will work. If one of the partners has a secret and does not truly want to achieve those goals, the couples therapy will create a “pushing” effect instead of “coming together” one.
Therapist Isn’t A Good Fit
You both really want to make your relationship work, you have set the goals and you actively participate in therapy, but somehow things are still not getting any better? Maybe the relationship between you two and the therapist simply doesn’t work. A couple needs to feel safe and pleasant in the therapy room, and comfortable to talk about deepest concerns and even painful and vulnerable things. You should never feel blamed or judged, so if you can relate to some of these things, you should consider changing the therapist.
The Love Is Gone
Well, a couples therapy can help you and your partner work out many issues and overcome even the complex problem as long as there the sparkle of love exists between the two of you. You cannot expect that the therapy will be able to make you love each other again, especially if one of you has decided that it is the end. Sometimes letting go is the best option, so do not force each other to stay in a relationship at any cost. In this situation, you might seek individual therapy which can help you move forward as easily as possible.
When To Stop Attending Couples Therapy?
Every couple is different, so this is an individual matter. Usually, it is time to end the counselling when the couple meets their goals, or when the therapist thinks that it is time to spot visiting him/her. However, sometimes you may think that you have gotten what you have needed from the therapy and that there is no point in continuing with it despite your therapist thinking differently.
One thing is for sure – leaving a couples therapy isn’t easy, but if you feel like you are not getting what you need from your therapist or that you might need a different approach or type of counselling, don’t hesitate to seek another opinion. Ginny Lindsay has been working with couples for many years, and as an experienced therapist she will be able to guide you and your partner through the healing process, but she will also know when it is time to switch to individual therapy or even let it go if you have exhausted all other options.