Valentine’s Day is only a few days away. I hear many people say that they don’t bother with Valentine’s Day, that romance should happen all the time. I do agree with the sentiment that love and romance should not be confined to just one day of the year. However Valentine’s Day is an opportunity to re-connect with the idea of romance and being romantic if you have gotten too busy or too pre-occupied with other things. In the busyness of having children, work, family and other priorities, romance can sometimes fall off the agenda. If romance matters to us, and I hear both my male and female clients say it does, then it is up to us to make it a priority. Rather than putting all the pressure on one day to deliver all your romantic needs, my suggestion is to use Valentine’s Day as starting point for a more romantic year.
Too often I see clients at my relationship counselling service From 2 to 3 who feel like there is no love or romance left in their relationship. Many of these relationships are good relationships that have just lost their way or where the couples has lost their connection to each other. So here are some ideas on How To Make Valentine’s Day Last All Year to support those couples who may feel that the romance has gone out of their relationship at the moment.
1. Whisper (or Text) Sweet Nothings. There is nothing that makes us feel better as a human being than praise, positive feedback or acknowledgement. It may seem like nothing to you to compliment your partner on how beautiful she looks, or to send your partner a text saying you love him, but these little “sweet nothings” make a big difference. They build up a storehouse of good will and positive feelings in your partner and you feel good too! Human beings have a tendency to notice and comment on the negative, and this can lead to us feeling like we only focus on what’s wrong, rather than what’s right.
2. Plan Ahead. Booking special date outings ahead of schedule and organising a babysitter means these become a priority and are likely to happen. I see many couples who leave these things to the last minute and then the date doesn’t happen. Spontaneity is great as well, but with children, work and life, dates with your partner may fall off the agenda unless you schedule them into your life.
3. Kiss and Hug. Couples who spend at least 10 seconds hugging and kissing when they greet each other at the end of the day, feel more deeply connected for the rest of the evening. It is believed that this physical touch produces oxytocin in the brain, which makes us feel more bonded to each other. Touching each other throughout the day, not just as foreplay, is also an important ingredient in keeping the romance alive.
4. Revisit Your Shared History. Visiting places that have had a special meaning for you both, looking at old photos of fun times you had together and reminiscing about experiences you have shared, re-connects you to the romantic moments of your past. It can also prompt you to create new romantic experiences. Talking about your memories of your first meeting or holiday away together, can bring back those feelings of romance and fun.
If you and your partner are finding it hard to put the romance or love back into your relationship, then please contact me to book a session, where I can support you as an individual, or through couples counselling with your partner. Let’s talk before it breaks.