For many people, Valentine’s Day may seem like a marketing exercise designed to sell flowers and cards. You may feel cynical about it or that romance shouldn’t just happen on one day. However Valentine’s Day can be an excellent way to re-establish some magic and excitement into your relationship. I work with couples everyday, who find that they have lost the sparkle and surprise in their relationship, especially once they become parents. Sometimes it just takes a kickstart or getting out of your comfort zone, to create romance and intimacy again.
Being in a long term relationship you may have become complacent in your communication and your behaviour. Perhaps you assume that your partner knows they are special without any gestures of acknowledgement. The truth is we all need to feel special and acknowledged by our partner, whether it’s through a heartfelt message in a card, or a romantic dinner that they have lovingly prepared. Love is more than a feeling, it’s a doing word. Showing love through words, actions, gifts, time, thoughtful planning and attention can build the connection and romance between you and your partner. Sometimes the pilot light has gone out in your relationship through lack of attention, so it takes a little bit of effort to build the fire of love again.
There are so many ways to demonstrate love in action this Valentine’s Day. Here are just a few suggestions to inspire you and your partner for the 14th February and beyond.
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- Take a trip down memory lane. You might visit the site of your first date or the place you first kissed, play songs you used to love, or watch a movie you first saw together.
- Acknowledge how far you have come. Discuss some of the highlights and lowlights of the past year and how you have come through them together.
- Spend time together without distractions like TV, phones, Facebook and so on. Notice that you may feel uncomfortable at the beginning, but that you will begin to fill the space with real intimacy in time.
- Be beginners together. Visit somewhere new, try a new hobby or experience, learn something together. Novelty brings energy and enthusiasm back into the relationship and puts you on an equal footing again.
- Say the loving things you feel but never say. Life is precious and you have no idea what the future holds. It can be risky to speak from your heart and express the depth of your feelings for your partner, but it is infinitely worse to have never expressed them. Real intimacy can be scary but the rewards are rich.
You may need more support to find that loving feeling again and that’s when seeing a professional counsellor like myself can really help. I work with both couples and individuals who want to feel happier and more connected in their relationships. Contact me now to book an appointment to keep the love alive in your relationship. Let’s talk before it breaks.
