I am supporting a number of clients who are thinking about having a second child and they are feeling very unsure and anxious about the idea and even feeling a sense of dread.Typically they have had either a difficult pregnancy, a traumatic birth experience or post natal depression or anxiety. Given that their first experience was unpleasant, it’s only natural that they may be afraid of history repeating itself.
Our bodies hold all the emotional as well as the physical trauma that we experience. Unless we have processed all this trauma through counselling or other therapies, it stays locked in the body until some new event or experience triggers it. Our bodies never lie. So while we may able to rationalise situations in our mind, this does not necessarily prevent the dread or anxiety we feel. Ideally we need to express the dread and anxiety and understand what it means. It is only then that we can move forward towards our goals with our body and mind in complete alignment.
I use a number of techniques in counselling with clients, that support them to express these deep emotional experiences and to make sense from them. Investigating your fears about having another child allows you to explore what you need to put in place the next time around. It may be that you felt unsupported after the birth, so together we can look at building your support network for the second time around. It may be that the pregnancy experience was particularly difficult so we could look to bring in a doula or other birthing specialists to support you. It could also be that you feel pressure to have another child, but for you it’s not the right time or you don’t actually want another child and that’s ok! Sometimes when we have had a difficult experience, it’s hard to know what is right for us, particularly if there are a lot of other people in our lives with opinions about what we should and shouldn’t be doing.
There is no need to live with fear or overwhelm. You can have clarity and peace of mind, as well as the support you need to move forward on your parenting journey. I work with new mothers all the time to help them make sense of all that anxiety and dread. Together we can build your confidence and support you to make the decisions that feel right for you. Let’s talk before it breaks – contact me now to book a session.
