Starting communication in your relationship doesn’t have to be hard if you know where to begin. One simple question can open the door to better understanding, emotional clarity, and connection: “I just want to check this out with you.”
It’s a small phrase that carries weight. It stops assumptions in their tracks, slows down reactive responses, and helps you tune in to what’s really going on with your partner. Instead of guessing or interpreting based on your own emotional filter, you’re choosing to pause and ask. That moment of curiosity is where better communication begins.
Why This Works
We often miss the mark in relationships not because we don’t care, but because we think we already know what’s happening. We assume, react, or mentally defend ourselves without checking in on what the other person really means. Misunderstandings snowball because no one stops to clarify.
Saying “I just want to check this out with you” puts curiosity before assumption. It creates space to understand your partner’s perspective without jumping to conclusions. It’s a way to say, “I’m not here to argue. I’m here to listen.”
Emotional Intelligence in Action
This kind of communication is built on emotional intelligence. That means being able to recognise and manage your own emotions while also staying attuned to someone else’s. Emotional intelligence isn’t a fixed trait. It’s a skill you strengthen every time you choose connection over defence, listening over reacting.
In practice, this looks like pausing when something feels off. Instead of replaying a conversation in your head or walking on eggshells, you say, “I just want to check this out with you. When you said that thing earlier, I wasn’t sure how to take it.” That one sentence opens the door to clarity instead of conflict, helping to prevent emotional misfires.
From Disconnection to Understanding
When you use this kind of language regularly, you’re training both yourself and your partner to communicate with more openness. It shifts the dynamic from defensiveness to teamwork. You’re no longer trying to win or fix things immediately, you’re just trying to understand.
This approach is especially powerful in everyday situations. A short tone, a comment taken the wrong way, a look that sparks doubt, these are the little moments that, if left unchecked, create emotional distance. Checking in helps you stay close, reduce misfires, and build trust over time.
Keep It Simple, Keep It Curious
You don’t need perfect words, you just need honest ones. The sentence “I just want to check this out with you” is a simple phrase, but when said with care, it shifts the whole tone of a conversation. It invites connection, not correction.
If your relationship could use more of that, more understanding, fewer emotional spirals, stronger communication, this is the place to start.
Ginny, at From 2 to 3, works closely with couples to build real skills in emotional intelligence and connection. Whether you’re navigating the early changes of parenthood or years into a committed partnership, learning how to check in with curiosity can change everything.