When you get busy with children, career and life generally, sex with your partner can fall off your agenda.You know sex is important for your relationship and your own wellbeing, but there are so many other priorities that sometimes sex can get relegated to the bottom of your priority list. Sex is an important part of relationship intimacy, a way to connect with your partner as well as your own sexual identity. Just because you become a parent, doesn’t mean that you need to lose sight of your sexual self.
If things are a little ho-hum in the sexuality stakes between you and your partner, then here are 5 Ways to Bring Sexy Back Into Your Relationship.
1. Take an Interest in Your Partner.
In order to liven things up in the bedroom, you need to focus on your partner outside the bedroom. Re-establish your friendship with them and take a genuine interest in how they are. Build up the respect and fondness between the two of you, this creates the foundation for any sexual intimacy. Learn more about them and what matters to them. We all change and we can sometimes miss the changes happening in our partner’s internal and external worlds when we get caught up in the business of life. Take time to laugh and have fun with them. The more emotionally connected we feel, the more likely we are to connect sexually as well.
2. Try Something New.
Being stuck in routines and doing the same tasks over and over again is a common trap that couples fall into. Couples who try new activities together are more likely to be satisfied with their relationship. Boredom can lead to a lack of sexual interest and excitement. Trying something new and enjoyable for you both, gets the reward centres of your brain firing again. Dancing, abseiling, surfing, eating out, seeing a play or an opera, the list is endless. If you and your partner both come up with a list of new activities, you can try something each week. This time spent together will be stimulating and interesting and the spark created here will carry over to the bedroom for both of you.
3. Start Dating.
Time for just the two of you together fosters the sexual intimacy. The anticipation of the date, planning ahead, and getting ready are just a few ways of building excitement between the two of you. Taking it in turns to plan a date for each other that will be romantic and special triggers the same excitement that was there in the early phases of the relationship. Having time where the conversation is not about the children or the household tasks that need to be completed, means your sexual self can be nurtured. Flirting and enjoying each other are priorities on dates, not working on the week’s grocery list or homework schedule!
4. Get Kissing.
Kissing is good for you and the health of your relationship. Kissing is a simple way to connect physically with your partner and shows that you still have desire for them. Kissing releases a lot of feel-good chemicals including oxytocin, the hormone that bonds us to each other. Again, kissing is an area that can become perfunctory and routine in relationships. Take your partner by surprise, by kissing them with passion and intensity, allowing your kiss to linger. Kissing when you leave in the morning or welcome home kisses are a good place to start. A lingering kiss before bed, can naturally lead to more physical intimacy. Experiment with different pressures and take your time, a long kiss goodnight can definitely turn up the sexy in your relationship.
5. Everything Can Be Foreplay.
Think about foreplay as everything that you and your partner do for each other inside and outside the bedroom. Knowing your partner’s love language can really help here. What we like may be different for our partner, so being aware of this is vital in bringing sexy back to your relationship. For some people, quality time, physical affection or touch is a great way to warm up for sexual intimacy. For others, praise and compliments, running errands, doing the housework are other ways to communicate love for your partner.
If the sexual side of your relationship has become lacklustre and you need some support to bring back the spark between you both, then I can help you. Talking to a professional relationship counsellor can really help you both put intimacy back on the agenda. So to make your relationship the important priority that it is, contact me now to book a session. Let’s talk before it breaks.