I often despair that couples counselling or relationship counselling is only considered when it’s too late to save your marriage. Healthy relationships are the most significant predictor of happiness and life satisfaction, yet are often neglected or taken for granted. I am working with a client whose wife has walked out on him after the birth of their second child as the stresses and strains became too much. They had both been caught in their own pressures and had lost connection with each other until the emotional gulf between them became too vast. Sadly my client is now needing to sort through the challenges of divorce, custody concerns and an overwhelming sense of grief and loss through the counselling services I offer at From 2 to 3.
This too common scenario can be avoided and it is what motivates me to provide psychotherapy and relationship counselling in my North Shore rooms. I am passionate about supporting you to get in early and save your marriage before it’s too late. Here are my suggestions on 5 Ways to Save Your Marriage now.
1. Take Your Relationship Temperature
How warm and connected are you both to each other? Is there mutual regard, affection and support? If you are not feeling it, then chances are neither is your partner. Is sex infrequent? Are you leading separate lives often? You both contribute to the health of your relationship, and while you may have many other life commitments such as children and work, your marriage needs your attention.
2. Speak Up
If you are not satisfied with your relationship, speak about it with your partner. Complaining and criticising each other are not the answer but they may be showing you the areas you need to discuss with your partner. Your partner may be sensing things are not OK but have no idea what to do about it. It’s not about finding the perfect words, it’s about opening the door for ongoing conversation. Start with owning your own feelings and behaviours, and sharing your fears and concerns about your marriage with your partner.
3. Be a Team
It takes work to save your marriage, it cannot be a solo effort. You are responsible for the health of your marriage and this takes care and attention. It is important that you stay on the same side and work together, rather than setting yourselves up as adversaries. This takes maturity and a capacity to empathise with each other. Healthy relationships are not about being right, they are about mutual respect, connection and support.
4. Get Professional Support
When you have a problem with your car you go to a mechanic, when you are sick you go to a doctor, so when you want to save your marriage, don’t try to struggle through on your own. Seeing a couples or relationship counsellor like myself, can get you quickly on track and provide you with a new set of skills to nurture your marriage. With my years of experience and professional training, I know what works and what can save your marriage. Working with a professional psychotherapist or marriage counsellor is an investment in the future health of your relationship and family.
5. Invest the Time
Relationships are like gardens, they need regular care, time and attention. Spending at least 4 hours of quality time with each other every week can dramatically improve the quality of your relationship. You may be physically in the same room a lot of the time, but it’s the quality of the interaction that is important. Time away from the kids and the day to day responsibilities of life is essential to your marriage. It needs to be a regular commitment if you want to avoid your relationship falling into neglect and unhappiness.
Whether you are a couple or an individual looking to save your marriage, I am here to support you. I work with men and women everyday who want to have a happier and more fulfilled relationship. Find out more about how relationship counselling can save your marriage and contact me now. Let’s talk before it breaks.