It is apparent that for some couples there is a reluctance to go for couples counselling because they don’t want anyone else to know the state of their relationship. They feel embarrassed to reveal all the things they might be fighting about, especially if these things are of a personal nature.
Fear of Judgment
Fear of judgement can be a reason that prevents people from opening up in couples counselling. Both people may feel awkward to reveal everything that’s going on in the relationship to a third person for fear of judgement. My role as a therapist and counsellor is to act from a neutral position and take a stance more from curiosity as to the effect the issue or concern has on the individual and the relationship.
It is not an uncommon belief, view or misconception in our society or their culture for people to think that they should keep what’s going on in their relationship or family within the relationship/family. However, the fact is that discussing matters openly with a counsellor or therapist can often be a lot more helpful to achieve the desired relationship you both desire. Seeing a counsellor gives you both the opportunity to work through your regrettable incidents in a sensitive, caring, safe and non-judgemental environment, where what you say is kept confidential and you both will have the opportunity to feel heard, understood and validated.
Learning New Skills
Many couples come into counselling or therapy full of emotion whereby they are either highly reactive to their partner or they shut down emotionally and stonewall. Neither of these positions are going to enable effective communication. Coming to see me as your therapist or counsellor, we will work through your emotions collaboratively, so you will in turn understand the meaning of what has been triggered internally and feels unfinished. Each of you will then learn effective communication skills to talk to your partner respectfully and assertively without judgement, criticism, contempt or stonewalling. Communication is a skill and takes time and effort to practice and when you do I am sure you will see and feel the difference in your heart and in your relationship!!
A relationship can be emotionally charged, possibly more so than anything else in people’s lives. There is nothing that people crave more than having love and connection, however this isn’t always easy to achieve. It’s my job as your couple’s counselor and therapist to enable you to see why you fell in love with each other in the first place and then to learn new communication skills and work through the unfinished feelings and grievances to keep your love alive!
Contact us for more tips on how to approach couples counseling in Crows Nest for the best results.
Let’s talk before it breaks!
Ginny Lindsay is a Sydney based relationship counsellor and psychotherapist who supports individuals and couples moving from pregnancy into parenthood. With 40% of divorces happening during pregnancy or in the first 3 years of a child’s life, Ginny established From 2 to 3 to offer support early before a relationship breaks down.