Relationships are work. Some say that if you really love someone marriage is easy. That is not entirely true. There is, however, a difference between an angry, and hostile relationship turning toxic and letting life get in the way of who you once were.
Sometimes it really is just life keeping you too busy to stay on the common ground you married on. Other times it is realizing that you married the idea of someone and that they do not exist in your marriage. Infidelity causes a gap that some cannot find a way to close.
In today’s society where divorce is so common and marriages are becoming less so, it is easy to hit the eject button. Why work on something old when something new is out there? In a world of instant gratification, it is a wonder when couples make it to five or ten years. Some couples stay together for their children, some do it for their health care benefits, and then there are those who stay with their partner because they know that it is worth the fight.
For all of the books and podcasts out there on marriage, sitting in a room with your spouse and a professional is a game-changing maneuver. Being asked the tough questions in front of each other allows you to see the other person’s reaction, and thus, how they perceive your situation.
Have you ever been in a fight via text message and then run into the person and confronted them only to realize that an emoticon would have prevented the entire thing? It seems a bit strange to apply such a petty qualifier to a friend because you could not get a read on their tone by looking at words, yet we do it more often than we realize.
Marriage counseling puts your emotions on display for your spouse to see while you are talking about things relevant to your relationship. That fight over the toilet paper was so much deeper than that. By forgetting to put the toilet paper in the bathroom as promised it implied that you really just don’t care about your partner. That seems crazy but for a marriage in crisis it really can start that small and end up being so much bigger.
Ginny Lindsay is North Shore’s answer to the age-old question: where do we go from here? At From 2 to 3 all of the nagging and bickering gets brought out and dealt with in a healthy and productive way. She is there to guide you through the difficult conversations necessary to make the toilet paper fight about toilet paper and not the future of your family.
Let’s talk before it breaks. Contact us and we can get started.
Ginny Lindsay is a Sydney based relationship counsellor and psychotherapist who supports individuals and couples moving from pregnancy into parenthood. With 40% of divorces happening during pregnancy or in the first 3 years of a child’s life, Ginny established From 2 to 3 to offer support early before a relationship breaks down.